Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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