Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
