What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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