why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
