Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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