what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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