u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
