And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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