You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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