how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
