what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
People in love make me want to vomit
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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