Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
