Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
