so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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