went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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