she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
