i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
