if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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