i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
