Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
