If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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