i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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