My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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