Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize