She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
