your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
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And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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