Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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