guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
