Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
