The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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