Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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