I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
