walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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