He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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