How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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