WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
