don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
