kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
