woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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