Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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