he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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