My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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