i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
