Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize