He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
