girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
