I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
