I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
