I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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