I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
