SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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