I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
