I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
