Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
