In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's always time for handjobs
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
