I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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