I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
