your parents love me but you hate me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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