Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
