you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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