just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
