saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
